March
4
2010
I chose to blog on this topic because it is one that most young Christians I know are facing today and is something that needs to be addressed.
Too often I have heard of situations where a man and woman are very close friends, do a lot of stuff together, leading to one of them (in most cases the girl) seeing the guy as more than just a friend, only to find out that he is not interested in upgrading the friendship to marriage. I have found myself in such a situation and it’s not a very pretty one. When a man (or woman) indicates (whether by words or actions) that he/she would like to see and spend exclusive time with a member of the opposite sex, but claims that they are just friends, mixed messages are sent. What tends to happen is that he/she selfishly enjoys all the benefits of being in a committed relationship without the accompanying commitment, while the other person pays the price emotionally. Usually, the woman tends to suffer, because, while a guy can make a move when he starts investing his heart in a friendship, a woman can hold on to this type of relationship for a long time, hoping that one day the guy would reciprocate her feelings.
The fact is that women are generally more prone to reading into things than men are. So a man might view his actions as innocent, while a woman may see the fact that they are getting closer as an indication of something more. In saying that, men should assume that if a woman is readily spending a lot of time with him, she is most likely interested. On the other hand, women need to learn to not to assume that a male friend she is spending a lot of time with is secretly in love with her and is just waiting for the right time to make a move. That being said, as much as women tend to read too much into a man’s actions, I would urge my Christian brothers not to take advantage of this and allow her to be his female buddy who provides him with relational benefits he desires without the commitment. You cheat your sister when you, through your words or actions, you promise her the benefits of marriage when you have no intention of marrying her. (I would also add that this goes for women too… There are some women who want the love and affection of a guy without the commitment and it is very wrong and ungodly to use a guy in that way!).
Single men and women do a disservice to each other when they indulge in intimate friendships without commitment or any intention of commitment. These types of relationships may satisfy your immediate needs, but in the long run, they lead to a lot of heartache. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is time to take responsibility and act wisely. A woman needs to responsibly guard her heart. If she finds herself longing for a man who is not pursuing her, she should avoid indulging in such feelings:
I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.
Song 8:4 (KJV)
Men should also seek to protect the emotions of their female friends, and treat them as sisters.
1 Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;
2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.
1 Tim 5:1-2 (KJV)
In the above text, Paul tells Timothy that he should treat younger women as sisters with all purity. Now if our male friends are to treat us as sisters with all purity, it follows that we should treat them as brothers with all purity, and we must in turn act like sisters, in purity! We must make sure that the motives we have behind our relationships with guys is God honouring always. In all this, it is important to ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment in approaching and dealing with whatever situation we find ourselves.
It is very possible to have meaningful friendships with members of the opposite sex without sending out misleading signals. Ladies, do not accept a cheap imitation of love by spending excessive amounts of time with a guy who is not pursuing you; you could be missing out on a potential suitor 
. And for the guys reading, if you find yourself in an intimate friendship with a woman, it might be a good idea for you to consider whether this relationship is one that could lead to you intentionally exploring marriage; if not, then be a man and make your intentions (or lack thereof) clear. My prayer is that we all learn how to serve and treat each other in a way that glorifies the Lord.
February
7
2010
Ephesians 5:15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Ephesians 5:16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Now we are all pretty aware that this gospel age is pretty much the last before the glorious returning of our Lord. Knowing that the days are evil in this post-modern society, how are we as Christians redeeming the time we have? How active are we in evangelism? How often are we studying the Bible? How much time do we spend in prayer and intercession?
When choosing this topic to write about I felt convicted within myself, knowing that I have wasted so much time over the last few years in matters that not only have not benefited me spiritually, but have failed to edify others. All who know me know I have a great love for doctrine, however I am also aware that theology alone is just knowledge without grace. Peter in 2 Peter 3:18 admonishes us to grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Lest we forget, Paul says: 1 Timothy 4:16 Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee or as the NIV puts it: 16Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
So doctrine is important. However, how do we faithfully redeem the time if we fail to APPLY this doctrine? Where is the love (mutual love being the topic when Paul begins his exhortation in Eph 5) in knowing the scriptures yet not applying them?
A Self-Indictment
You see, I say all this as a self-indictment. I’ve spent many moments on the net, over the phone, face to face with friends and family, debating issues both primary and secondary, without applying the doctrine in my life. I’ve spent many a time shouting down people who disagree with “my way”, defending “my doctrine” without grace, without applying love. So when I leave wondering why my words were ignored, I only had myself to blame, for I hadn’t exercised the words of scripture that told me to walk, not as a fool but as wise.
Theology APPLIED Matters
I am not attempting to downplay the importance of theology, for I have been blessed by dedicated Bible students. I encourage the use of Bible study guides, commentaries, Bible dictionaries, concordances etc. I encourage people to admonish one another (in love). I totally believe 2 Tim 2:15 means we should be dedicated to studying the scriptures as it is through this we learn more about Christ and are driven to live Christ centered lives. However, I discourage the non-application of scriptures. Theology for the sake of proving points and looking knowledgeable is wrong. Matthew 7:21-23 is a warning against people having this kind of mindset as is 1 John 2:4. If we claim to know him we will keep his commands, this is straightforward. So the mere study of scriptures for our own egos is not faithfully redeeming the time.
Redeeming the time and Evangelism
Paul understood that Gods desire for his church was to be a light to a dark and evil world. Colossians 4:5 Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.
This is how we are to redeem the time as it pertains to evangelism. We are encouraged to redeem the time we have to walk in wisdom to them that are without. That is to not only walk as Christians, but to share the hope that is within us. You see, it’s all well and good being a student of the scriptures. But we don’t study merely for ourselves or so we can defend our pet doctrines. We study to know more of Christ. We study to grow spiritually, in grace and in knowledge. Our studying should lead us to live lives of repentance and worship. Not only that, but it should lead us to have a heart for the lost. Pauls example was clear: 1 Corinthians 2:2 For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.
I recently heard a “Pastor” preach against a group of individuals, implying that they are too “Cross focused”. God forbid I ever cease being Cross focused. It was knowing Christ being crucified for my sins that drove me to repentance in the first place. It is in knowing Christ being crucified for sinful man that leads us to share the Gospel with unbelievers. This oft forgotten service to the Lord is key in our redeeming the time. Knowing that the days are evil we preach Christ crucified to a lost world in the hope that they be driven to repentance.
Time is a talent
As Matthew Henry says in his commentary on Ephesians 5: Time is a talent given by God, and it is misspent and lost when not employed according to his design. None of us know when our time on this earth will be up, so as long as we are here and as long as the Lord tarries, let us endeavour to redeem the time, for the days are evil. There are plenty of lives at stake.
Grace and peace.
February
4
2010
Well the honour of introducing the blog has fallen to me, so here’s goes…
I’m hugely excited to be involved with A Band of Bereans, a group blog made up of myself, blogger at Wired4Truth, Stephen Olanipekun and Amaka Akobundu, who also blogs at 4 Christ’s Sake. How did this come about? Well, as much as I’d like to claim it was a prophetic revelation birthed from a deep and intense prayer session…not quite. It was more or less the result of a discussion between myself, Stephen and Amaka with a view to writing together as three friends in love with Reformed theology and more important, with Christ Jesus.
So, what to expect? If it’s anything like our actual conversations, expect Biblical truth, some discussions about current issues and the occasional trash talk between myself and Mr Olanipekun for good measure. With the utmost of seriousness, it is my hope that the writing here will be to the glory of God and to the edification of fellow believers.
For the Band of Bereans,
Doug